okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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