did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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