belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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