You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
