Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Pooping to opera.
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