the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
