I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
