I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
