I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
