I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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