Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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