Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
okay pat passed out under dana's car
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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