Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
found the other keg... it's in the tree
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
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