You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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