We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
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