You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
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Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
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It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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