Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
