you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
