my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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