I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
