one might say we're banned from that church
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
