I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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