Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
