You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
