Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
