they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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