I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
