dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
soo... how was my night?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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