i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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