I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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