question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
