All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
