Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
