also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
