My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you would pick up someone in the library
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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