Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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