u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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