Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
