i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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