That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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