pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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