Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
