youre lurking in front of me
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
