When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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