He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
