She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
