dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
