He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
