i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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