i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
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