No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
