Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Green mimosas i think yes
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
