I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she told me i tasted like america
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I can't trust your balls anymore.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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