I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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