Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
