it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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