Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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