I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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