Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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