Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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