Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
