I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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