Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
