mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
