So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
