1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
