he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
