I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
