Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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