Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
