my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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