i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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