your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
