Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
