thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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