Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
