When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
