why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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