Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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