im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
