So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
