dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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